is it worth it??? "Man truly feels alive when bullets are flying by his head". -Some WWII General.
that quote is so true..it is a whole other feeling when you hear the shot fired an can actually feel the bullets heat by your head..it brings you to life..your heart starts pumpin..adrenile starts flowin..an all you can think about is killing that motherfukka that is shooting at you...you dont think about home..how much it sucks being here..how hungry you are..or jus wonderin wat your dog is doing back home..all that shyt goes rite out the window and the only thing you think about is.......survival.....plain and simple....i cant explain but anyone who has been in war knows wat im talking about.....it is kind of a euphoria...or like the ultimate high......it is a completly different feeling than when a bomb goes off.....when that happens your scared as hell...you dont kno where the trigger man is...hell you dont even kno if there is a trigger man....a guy that put a bomb on the side of the road is a pussy....too scared to sit there an try to actually put effort into killing you...if hes lucky it happens...kida like fishing....you jus need the rite bait...for a sniper to kill you....he has to be smart....quiet....an have a big set of balls....he has to stay there an watch you actually pull the trigger and watch you die..or at least see you go down....an you kno he has to be in the area...so you kno you can kill him too...as so does he....that is a rush...
anywayz that was my thing that happen the other day....nothing new thou....but onto the topic that i started to write this blog on.....what the hell are we doing here and is it really worth it???the guys finially said that we are losing the war....shit we never were winning the war....or losing it for that matter neither....their can be no winners or losers in this war.....and it is never ending....so wat the fuck is the point of being here??i mean...im no politician nor a general in charge of this war...ima fukkin grunt...a private the bottom of the totem pole...i do wat im told when im told...go where i need to go and dont ask....jus do it...i had no choice in commin here...i gave up my freedom to choose anything when i raised my hand i swore under oath that i give my life and my balls to good old uncle sam......but is it worth me being here???the people dont want us here....they hate us....they wish every single soldier here dead..an they are working on it....they said they want their own army to protect them....the iraqi army doesnt do shit....half of them are crooked anywayz makin money from the terrorist to set us up...trust me it happens...i know...personally.....and the other 15% that isnt crooked is so scared to show their own face that they wear ski masks to cover up who they are....like they are ashamed to be in the army....they cant protect themselves....is it worth the paycheck???they dont pay us nearly enough to be here.....it is better money than wat i made back home....an ill prolly come home with over 10g's in the bank..but it definately is not worth my life......the army says that a couple hundred dollars for goin to country...to risk your life...and to posssibly die...i mean im infantry....i go ouut on patrols every fukkin day.....they are people that get paid the same amount as me....an dont have to worry about gettin blown up today...or hit by a sniper....they sit on the camp and serve food....or work in the finiance dept. or some gay ass shit like that....sure i get my combat infantry badge...but it doesnt mean shit in the civilian world..jus another shiny medal i get....civialians dont realize that....they see a uniform...an think we are all risking our lives....when its jus less than 1% of the army that is infantry actually out there in "the shit".... like the other day i came back from patrol....covered in blood....and my uniform had holes in it from shrapnel...and some bitch female had the nerve to tell to change and why did i look so fucked up....i blew up in her face an cussed her out....she has absolutely no idea wat i go through everyday...physically and mentally....plus not to mention the civilians here on camp....the ones that get paid 85k starting out for 6months over here....and they dont do shit...jus stay inside the camp all day...blackwater(the army's merc's) get paid 120k for commin over here for 8months....i mean wat the fuck is up wit that??the pay more for them why??are they move valuable than a us soldiers' life? if so why?is it cuz they are over here for a specific job title? is it cuz theywent to school an retired from the army??or is jus cuz they care more about them then they do us???is it worth the stress that i cause to my family??to my girlfriend??and even worse to my mom? the thing here is simple....we can never win this war no matterhow long we stay an no matter how many people die an our side or theirs....you cannot change a country that does not want change.....that is wat the rich white people dont understand....so let them be content with there poor uncivilized lives...it is what they want..so what if they start a civil war...it is already becommin one anywayz...an were jus stuck in the middle...let them duke it out...an whoever wins may be the sucessor of the2....i mean look at our country...or any civilized power nation for that matter....we have all had civil wars....an look wat happen to us after???we grew and grew and grew some more....so why couldnt the same thing happen to them???it is there country there new land(our new oil, wasnt that the real reason anyway)....let them fight for there land there way....and have them run their government however the choose.....or is not worth that???is it worth the 100 of thousands of iraqi people that got killed thus far???is it worth the 3thousand us soldiers that got killed???even close to heart is it worth my best friends life??his life that i watched slip away in the back of a bradley while i was holding him?????do you think his wife..his infant son, his son that will never know his father...never play catch with him...never even know who he is....do you think they think it is worth it????or even.....do you think my life is worth it????or would my body jus be another coffin with a us flag over it that died for a reason that we dont an will never understand or comprehend??? i hope everyone reads this an tries to even jus begin to scratch the kinda shit that i go thru here.....
so much has happened since its been forever...........i have 15 days til i leave for iraq.....for a year to fight in this so called war......i feel liike shit rite now an this alclohol has me feelin like it......i dont wanna go there im scared....an yet half of me cant wait to go....earn my medals.....an make my money....but i kno i cant get out of it.....i have to go....i gave up my rights when i raised my hand an swore my life to the army....becoming property of the us government...an thats all they see me ass too.....there is alot of bullshit goin on in my life rite now........everythin....work....bitchez....life....me....it all fukkin sucks........here is me again....the same person ive been for years.....alone....broken.....watever......all thisshyt stops sooner or later....one way or another it does.........
He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice. -Albert Einstein
i dont kno wat this means.....to me...i think it means i guess that we are brave...an maybe smart....or the other way around....i dunno...i jus thought i would drop anotha quote on yo azzes from the intelluctual an handsome smurf....nothin knew to report however....jus same shyt everyday allday.....i jus got out tha field again....we had to do squad maneuvers....it sucked was stupid and a waste of time....we are leaving to ft polk louisiana soon.....after that we only got like 2more trips to the field before we leave to iraq....jus alot of stuff goin thru my head as alwayz.....im alwayz stressed....i can never sleep....i cant eat too well no more....my stomache hurts.....i dont kno wat is wrong but i dont like it....i keep tryin to schedulen appointment wit the chaplain but with not going thru my chain of command cuz all they do is bitch....i wanna choke the shit out of everyone around me.....drinkin aint helpin....smokin an prayin an nothin helps.....its jus bein here....everyone here agrees wit me that this place sucks the morale out of you like a leech.....im always on edge....im always stressed....i cant wait til i go home....relieve sum of this fukkin stress......see my people go out wit my niggaz....see my mom......not have be surrounded by this soldier bullshit....i need a vacation forrealz...i kno i say the same shit everytime i get on this shyt...but this is how i alwayz feel....you kno i wasnt this bad when i was back home.....nowim over here....all by myself....i need to go to church or find sumone or sumthing or anythin....or even jus a wudup from peepz if fine wit me i dunno an i really dont kno wat to do anymore....i remeber when fr. joe saved my life an he gave me this really good book....i wish i still had it....i wish i could be bak in his office an he can help me again....i kno if it wasnt for him in the first place i would be layin ina 6foot ditch rite now....an i thank god for him an that school....cuz even wit all the evil that surrounded me.....i could escape at least for a lil bit there an in that church....man i miss that shit....oh well thou....es la vida rite....you gotta keep goin no matter wat happens....i dont really read the bible but one time i read the book of job not too long ago an there is alot of inspiration in there.....that poor guy had every that could possibly go wrong happen to him....he lost his family...his home...his land...his money....everythin....an yet he still went thru the day wit a smile on his face an prayin to god an thats all he needed in his life an he was iight was jus god....i kno im not very religious...well i think i am im jus not a good catholic....but i mean thats tru thou....my mom tries to tell me too.....she believes in miracles an i kno ive seen them happen before....an i kno my grandparents do too....an with them prayin for me all the time i kno that sumone will watch over me....god..allah...buddah..or jus a higher power....i kno he will....so really im not scared cuz i have them watchin over me....not to mention my grandma that is already in heaven....i still have her cross hangin above my head an i kno that she will always be there for me til the day i die.....it is jus that it is so hard...if it wasnt for the people that love me the way they do i would be a completly different person....i look at sum people an i prolly woulda turned out the same way....im grateful for that....an i do thank god for that one.....i thank him for everything really....dam i guess all that time ina catholic school did pay off.....i kno i have always been spiritual an deep an i guess you can say emmotional....but not too many people really do see that inner part of me.....i guess ive always been jus too scared to show anyone.....so i show my outer shell while the inside of me screams an bleeds an cries......but not til too long ago sum people did....mostly like my niggaz an sum of my homegirls too.....i remember when i wentto cedar point an that one bitch was tellin me how she wcan see that i shelter myself an hide my true feelings all the time.....it is tru thou i kno i do an i dont why but i cant help it.....i jus let my heart hang out there for all to see....cuz that is jus not me.....most people think of me as sum hard nigga....i kno i did alot of gangsta shyt in my life....ive been shot an shot at....jumped....got my ass whooped....beat peoples ass too.....but there still is another side of me in the inside....cuz everytime i do that shit im scared...cuz i dont kno wat is gonna happen.....that is the most scarriest thing to me never knowing wat is gonna happen to me....that is why im so afraid of death.....growing old....tomorrow....and i am always thankful for everythin i have....bein here an not dead...my fam...my friends....i was watchin rent....an i like the end song....cuz i kno i would die without you an all we have is eachother.....forget the past....i love that song....but it got me thinkin....no matter where im at...no matter where i go....no matter what i do....i am still connected to all my friends.....they are all in my heart.....an without them i kno i woulda been dead.....
i just got word about one of my boyz from basic got killed in iraq......my boy misseldine got killed in iraq just a few weeks ago....that was like my best friend in basic an airborne......its sad an all but all the man was doin was his job.....none of yall wouldnt understand about it i guess.......but its wat the man wanted to do......this is wat i wanna do too ya kno......the guy was only 18 an he was already off to war an you kno wat......he is more of a man than every nigga i kno up in tha hood......he had to pay the ultimate sacrifice for his country that dont even fukkin respect him.....oh well we still gonna be there sadly we aint gettin out of there so there is gonna be plenty more soldiers diein......that shit hits me forreal now cuz now i acutally kno a nigga that got killed there.......fukkin crazy....
1.deployments= Sexual Deprivation to the extreme. Im suprised that half of those boys havent gone psycho and castrated themselves to escape the pain...
2. deployments= Waiting by the phone 24/7. when they finally do call, its like the best 20 minutes of your life...usually the convos consist of " i love you i miss you i love you i miss you"
3.deployments= expensive packages. care packages are expensive, unless you get ahold of a flat rate box, which usually costs 8 dollars and 10 cents no matter what. i strongly suggest looking into these.
4.deployments= OH GOD I MISS HIM I MISS HIM!!!!
5. Deployments= finding out who your true friends are when all you talk about is him and they Still stick by your crazy ass. (aww...love you guys)
6.Deployments= the best damn diet of your life. you cant eat anything half the time cuz youre thinking of him, and whenever you get stressed, you excersize. Someone should patent the "Army Wife" workout...
7. Deployments= pointless. What they SHOULD do is let loose all of the Army girlfriends, wives and fiances on the Iraqis. We crazy bitches would show them whos boss within 24 hours just so we could get our men home.
8.deployments=FOX/CNN news. admit it. you look for him every time its on.
9.deployments= MOTOVATION! this includes wearing the sweatshirts, getting the bumper stickers, telling everyone you meet about the US Army, etc.
and finally, number 10... deployments= proof that our soldiers are the best men alive.
ok so i was gonna lock out my lj the first thing i was gonna do when i got on here....but fuck it i aint got shit to hide from dumb bitch ass hoez!!!!!they wanna look thru my shit they can do it all they want i dont give a fuck......i write on this shit because it my feelings......it is my thoughts....al my niggaz kno that i am a deep person an i always gotta lotta on my mind......so all that shit started out wit sum hoe goin thru my shit an gettin it to people.....that bitch pisses me off......she only does that shit to try to get bak at me cuz i never fucked her......she wanted it really bad too thats why she was all on me an shit.....shed prolly say it tha otha way but ima nigga....i dont run from pussy an i dont chase it down neither......anywayz i think it got her even more pist off when i fucked her lil cuzin anywayz.....she a lil hoe thou every nigga from western gots stories about that shit an she puts out her business like she dont give a fuck neither.....but even after she was pist at me for a min she was alwayz come holla at me every time i went bouncin down vernor in my boyz ride in my ride i would always see her walkin screamin out smurf.......so she sees this shit an tries to get my ass burned up ina case......mothafukka ima mothafukkin pimp i dont get burned an if bitchezzz did wanna leave they can go i aint chasin them down i dont wanna an dont gotta.....why should i try to chase down one girl if i can get many more i aint tryin to get up in no wifey situation anywayz that aint me......too much fun in my life...plus if a girl dont wanna be wit me i aint gonna do backflips for her i tried that plenty of times to do that jus cuz theyre fine or sum dum shit like that......there are too many girlz that would wanna get wit me anywayz......anywayz i really dont care about 1woman anywayz.....unless she my mamma or my grandma.......
so enough wit that shit time to move on with my real life......they told us the city i will be spending a year of my life in war......taji, iraq.....it is apart of the suni triangle.....and it is a very very hot spot.......and since the sunis occupy the majority of that city there is alot of civil war and unrest going on there......so more than likely i will be having sum fukkin fun!!!!i cant wait til i kill my first arab ima let all of my peepz kno!!!!!!i kno theyll all be hatin cuz i got to kill one an get away wit it!!!!!an ill be gettin paid for that shit too!!!!!!dont worry i will let all of tha world kno when i do an ill take pics next to it like it was a game deer or sum shit......an post that shit all around dearborn an fairlane!!!!!!!all of iraq is startin to become a scary reality thou.....im only gonna be here a couple more months before i go.....an ill only be home at least one more time before i leave to iraq too......i kno im goin home in july but i dunno if we have any more leave after that thou......so you kno we gotta make tha most of it.....(erin...mad party!!)i kno im gonna throw another one but i think its gonna be at a hotel or sum shit cuz i gotta lil too drunk last time at home......an mymom let me knew what she felt about me getin wasted......but kno my bro an all his boyz kno i aint no lightwieght....i told them plenty of times before but they neva believed me...cocksuckers......the army still sucks nothin knew there....but i do gotta wild ass story about me gettin drunk at my boyz crib wit his girl an her sis.....me n her left to another party....an thats the end of that story....sorry....too many hatin ass bitchezz come on this bitch so ima leave that shit to share at columbos when im drunk an shit.......man the otha day i was drinkin wit my peepz here.....an man i miss my niggaz back home....chillin drinkin wit them....smokin a blunt...then goin to columbos an doin sumthin stupid at 4in tha morning.......yea all that shit is fun an stuff thou but my ass is gone an done wit that part of my life.....all that shit was fun when it happened.....now im jus happy i made it out of detroit alive.....i kno there are so many times i coulda died in tha hood i cant even use both hands to count how many timez.....an i kno at least 5where i kno i was dead fa sho........so im glad im out of there.....an i call them niggaz up an they still doin tha same shit.....still workin dead end jobs.....or droppin out of school.....sellin weed to make sum bucks for they kidz....an all my homegirls pregnant an shit....speakin of that....a girl i heard got knocked up i kinda thought would did early....but would make a horrble ass parent cuz she alwayz out and druged up....i hope she changes and gets a quik grown up check....shyt i wish all my peoplez at home would get one of them bitchez too they need a grown up check.....they aint 16 no more we all grown up an doin our own shit now....i jus wish they jus finially realized that an did the rite thing for once.....anywayz bak to her....yea i had a mad thing for her man an i kno ima call her up an still hit it too.....haahaaha i dont care how big she is its still good to me....woah i kinda got carried away there......anywayz back to my editorial....me an my nigga that moved down here was discussing it....all them niggaz still doin the same shit livin that gangsta life i guess its the only thin......even the niggaz i went to school wit thou still doin tha same shit......still immature an doin dum shit....i kno when i go home ima prolly do that shit wit them but thats cuz thats all they do....i mean im not sayin that its time to settle down wit a family get married an all that dum shit hell no....go clubbin all nite come bak at 5am....get blunted get drunk go rollin or wateva your drug is.....jus when it comes down to business do it....handle your shit like an adult an take care of your fukkin responsibilities....wether its goin to a hard ass school wit hard ass classes....do that shit....or doin sum good job that pays well.....do watchu gotta do to stay ahead of the game....jus remember WE ARE ALL HOOD, HOOD NIGGAZ STICK TOGETHA!!WE DIE TOGETHA!!WE ALWAYZ GOTS EACH OTHA BACK!!!!!!we was set up since birth to fail an neva succeed.....jus be sum ghetto azz bitchezz livin off tha government(ina bad way not like me!!heeheehe)wit a bunch of lil bad azz kidz runnin around....workin a fucked up azz job an sellin weed an coke out tha back door to make that money...thats what we are supossed to be doin....thats the way they want.....they never wanna see us succeed....they wanna see us fail....thats how its alwayz gonna be an how it alwayz was....its up to us to make sure that we aint like that.....i kno i aint wanna sell weed my whole life....now i dont...i aint wanna pack a pistol an shoot niggaz all the time....i got out that shit....i went the hard way...but i still got out...i dont want no one to become a victim of society....another stastic to the governments eye.....cuz to them we will always be a statistic.....a nobody....a piece of shit that will never amount to anythin above welfare....yall kno me bitchez.....im always ready to overthrow the man an claim my seat!!!this is the easiest way to do it......well i dont kno wat else to say.....shout me a holla bitchezzz but i guess first in order to do that you gotta read my shit.....but jus hit me up an say wuddup......i aint talk to none of my niggaz ina long ass time......i mean god dam jus cuz i move out tha fukkin hood dont mean you bitchezzz cant talk to me no more....but i guess it is the best way to find out who your friends are......but eve3ryone is my nigga an i kno that for a fact......an before i leave to iraq all my niggaz will unite wit me an we will get mad crunk jus like tha old dayz.....holla bitchezzz!!!!!~One~ P.S. TEXAS FUKKIN SUCKS NEVER EVER EVER EVER MOVE HERE THINK ABOUT MOVIN HERE OR VISIT HERE!!!!!!(unless its for me!!) peace bitchezzz
you were there for me to love and care for me when skies were grey......whenever i was down you were always there to comforet me....no one else can be what you have been to me....you will always be the girl in my life for alltimes.....mama you kno i love you....~boyz2men...
i love my momma she always makes me happy.....after every bad day i got all i gotta do is call my momma an she makes everythin feel better.....even being 3000miles away from her i can still feel her warm hug......see leavin her was the hardest part of joining the army.....when i came home after i gave my oath she cried all night an i felt so guilty thinking wat the fuck did i jus do.....but then she said she was proud of me an she loved me no matter what i did.......ok so lets see wut is knew in my life.....im single and lonely an i havent gotten no ass ina long mothafukkin time and that is making me very edgy........that an i have absolutely no thc in my blood which is the first time in about 10years......i swear if the government let us do drugs.....just weed i would be so happy......goin to the field would make me happy as hell cuz i would bring my assult ruck full wit weed and papers......speakin of field we are goin out there tomorrow for 30days.....jus thinkin about that makes me depressed.......i swear i can only take getting cussed out every day an belittled everyday not too much longer.....its fukkin garbage here.....nothing is organized......i mean being stationed here in the army is sorry and sad....if i was a commander i would be ashamed that my unit was this fucked up.......its that bad.....there is no organizational skills here at all......when i get out the army im going to write a book about how much i hated the army and how fucked up it really is so all them lazy pussy ass people that too scared to even think about joining the army will see what it really is like.....im forreal too i have already begun writing it.....but i want the bulk of it to be about my tour in iraq so well see how it turns......if it does...i had a dream the other day that i wasnt gonna make it back from iraq......i was watchin cnn an they showed a bradley on flames.....i mean there was flames commin out of every little crack of that bradley it got fucked up.....the driver got killed an guess what my job is on that bitch....yup you guessed it driving that mothafukka......that got me thinkin about it......that was from 4id....that is our sister unit....the otha unit that is stationed here in ft. hood......i mean i am going to war right.....to another country to fight for my life an kill mothafukkas......see killin people dont bother me.....i dont care if its a male or female or a boy.....if they gotta weapon they my enemy an they gonna kill me.....an trust if its me or them.....fuckem you dead i dont give a fuck about age or gender at that time....an it is a pretty good possibility that i wont get to come home.....its something that i have accepted and put at the back of my head.....last time nobody died from my company in iraq.....one guy from detroit flat lined 2times thou.....another guy from taylor had to get medivaced all the way back to germany an stay in intensivecare for like 3months......so they got sum bad luck about that shit......alot of the guys that already are praying that we dont go......im scared to go but i kno i am ready......i want to go and earn my combat infantry badge.....only a handfull of all the soldiers that are/'were in the army have that badge.....some people lost their life getting that badge.....i want it too......thats why when i go home before i go we gonna party our asses off.....harder than the last party an i was hung over for like 2days after that.....this month has been hard on me.....ive been real depressed lately.....i dont kno why now but it has hit me really fukkin hard an it hurts alot.....well i dont kno wat else.....i guess thats it love ya mundo......alratoz
look at this photograph....everytime i see it makes me laugh....its hard to say it but time to say it good-bye...good-bye...nickelback....even i dont like them or that kinda music....i like that song...mostly cuz they play every otha song on the fukkin radiio......but i listenined to the lyrics an its tru...even thou i love my memories....i love everything that we did in high school....its time to grow up....all that shit is memories now...good ones....but none the less it still is memories that is along time ago...its time to grow up...i have a very important job even thou i hate it but i will be going to another country soon t0 fight for my life an my battle buddies....all tha crazy shit weve done did in tha past i have to put to rest.....graduating prom all dem parties devon cedar point on halloween all that shit.....its hard to say it an it is prolly one of the toughest things i have to say but it is time to say it....they is rite its hard to say that kinda shit....oh well its somethin i gotta to do....anywayz onto my so called life....i jus got out tha field from 2weeks straight out there....one nite it was soo fukkin cold i couldnt stop shakin an i couldnt feel my hands or feet an an i thought if i went to sleep i was gonna really freeeze to death.....that shit fukkin sucked....oh yea not to mention that it rained that nite on top of it it sucked.....nothin else happens down here....my life is like fukkin the movie groundhog day.....the same exact thing every fukkin day....i swear ima go fukkin crazy soon.....every day i wake up at 5 downstairs for pt.....shower change an out the door to the motor pool to work on our bradleys....same nasty asss lunch....back to work....to the company to get dismissed....same nasty ass dinner.....always getting yelled at....made to do some bullshit ass work....an get yelled at again....bein trapped in that little ass room wih another guy.....its so much stressed.....i tell ya i dont kno wat tha fuck i was thinkin of when i said sure this shit sounds perfect for me......i fukkin hate the army.....but wat sucks the most is as much as i hate it im prollly gonna reinlist.....but if i do i kno ima become an officer cuz i cant take this fukkin bullshit that we take here on the ground....an i kno i aint gonna be infantry....i earned my blue cord....an im gonna to to war as infantry....an get my badge an my tshirt.....thats betta than half them bitch azz niggaz in tha army so fuck it.... i earned wat i wanted then ima get my ass out.....oh well gotta bounce for now tbc bitchezz out!!!!
yeaz so well talk speakin about my birthday.....which i didnt talk to anyone then by the way......no one called me except my brother...thats iight thou....it dont matter anymore....im not goin home for christmas...at least i havent made plans anywayz.. i dont wanna...im feelin seperated from there an it is growing day by day...even everyone that is there im feelin the same shit..the pain of it is startin to go away thou....i mean fuck it i got friends down here so it dont bother me too much...but anyways wat happened on my bday...i got my ass smoked by my squad leader an i had to do a shit load of push ups lunges an a whole bunch of other evil stuff for about 2hours til i almost past out...then after work which we didnt get released til like 7 or 8....went to my friends room to get drunk...everyone since then has been long....same shit over and over and over....the best thing that happened is that last weekend i went to mexico and got fucked up off my ass!!!! i mean we were there for like 8hours of non stop drinking.....came home at 730...went to church at 10 still drunk....an drove home that day hungover as fuck....i mean i aint never gotten sick off drinkin.. i think cuz all i drank was beer an got drunk as fuck off of that.....man i thought iwas gonna need my stomache pumped forrealzzz.......man i think as more time goes by im.......oooh fuck it i dont wanna talk dum shit no more....i dont even kno why i still type on this fukkin shit....no one reads it anymore anuwayz....i should jus start writin on a fukkin notebook again.....good-bye.
like my headline im tired as fuck.....we ran our asses of this mornin for pt....it really aint nothin new but today we ran up the biggest fukkin hill you will ever imagine.....an the sad thing was there was a series of them.....an it was after runnin 4miles jus getin to the dam hills......man my legs are fukkin killin me.....if that wasnt hard we sprinted all the way in to the company.....im becommin a runnin beast now an it hurts....beter than cross country.....coach pat aint got shit on my platoon sergeant.....he should learn sum shit from him....an after that i aint do shit but walk my broke ass around do buy shyt for my uniform.....im hurtin today man it sucks.....fukkin army an these niggaz in the marines talkin about they do harder shyt than us.....they jus got the huge egos....at least we got the finer women.....spakin of which i almost got my balls ripped off by a female captain...i was spitttin game to her man she was fukkin fine as hell.....the finest co i ever seen an i jus had to talk to her......after she found out my rank she got all superior..(which kind of turned me on!!!!) an started chewin my ass out....sayin i have no respect for women an i was tryin to degrade her cuz of her body an blah blah blah.......i kno if that bitch was out in the club gettin drunk as fuck she woulda have gone home an i \woulda fucked her brains out......makin her scream do me private do me private an i would have to reply with yes maam!! an salute her ass.....she was jus actin like that cuz we was on duty an there was other privates around......but i kno she was feeliin it at first othawise she wouldnt have been smilin an blushin the way she was.....wat can i say......ima mothafukkin P.I.M to tha mothafukkin P bitchezzz!!!!!!!went to hooters last nite to watch football....it was ok pretty fun the waitress there kept hittin on me an sitten next to me the whole nite....she looked good an all but after the incident earlier that day i wasnt in the mood for pimpin......plus i may have been a little intoxicated.....maybe jus a little bit......;)...i hopin that i will go home for christmas.....i shoulda went home for thanksgiving...but its to late to bitch about that now man im fukkin pist about that forreal......cuz i dont kno if i am getting any days leave at all for christmas....cuz we gotta do funeral deteal meaning we have to go to any fukkin funeral of some old ass bastard that retired from the army and finially fukkin died.....i jus hope no pieces of shyt family deceide on the smart idea to bury their old ass bastard close to christmas....or no old fukkin man dies tryin to "unwrap" a sexxi preseant he bought for himself on the street or sumthin......fukkin old people i hate why do they have to fukkin die??????stupid old people wana die an shit an if they do around christmas im gonna fukkin be pist....shit they can wait a couple of weeks jus throw his ass in the freezer for a couple weeks an itll be iight.....if anythin i will be home for like a long 4maybe5 day weekend.....if time lets me i will love to hang wit my peoplezzz again.....you kno i luv my niggaz mos def.....but my fam and my babys momma come first so i will be spendin time with them an if i can get away from them you kno its on....even if i get in trouble like last time(but we wont talk about that....)life sucks the army sucks.....if i could teach you anythin it would be that if you have to join the military join the fukkin air force or even the fukkin coast guard.....i wana be a recruiter jus so i can tell people RUN AWAY DUMB ASS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE!!!!they want me to become an officer now too....keep talkin to me that they will pay for my digree an shit so i can go green to gold.....if i become an officer you get phat pay.....than i would prolly become a lifer in the army.....i mean come on now......General Rojas..... Dont that sound good??? hell even captain rojas does too...but i would start as a second lt....but shit you make the good pay....an i will get married even pop out a kid to make even more money.....(which is already my plan as the life of a private...shhh...my secret...)heeheehee thats every single enlisted mans dirty little secret.....talk to my jar head buddy too.....thats my nigga an that lucky bastard is goin to cali.....thats ok thou cuz ill be takin my ass there in the summer when the fine bitchez in bikinas are out in full force....man i love the military i can get into soooo much trouble here man i swear i love it!!!!my bday is comin up.....gonna be bored tired an lonely....at least hopefully i dont get shot or thrown in jail this bday......my worst luck always comes out on my bday so lets see w at they have in store for me this year......somethin fun i hope.....i forgot to tell yall when i went to hooters i smashed a beer bottle over a guys head.....an put 3guys in the hospital.....it felt really great....i miss doin that shit.....punk ass white boy thought he was hard cuz he was a civilian in his hood tryin to claim sum colors....i kno im out that gang shit but i will forever throw up my shit if i have to....an let little niggaz wat the deal is wit me you kno i aint no bitch....an trust the quickly found out the hard way.....shit ima take over this fukkin town if i have an let all them niggaz know around here that this soldier dont fukkin play an i will killa nigga if i have to you kno i aint scared....shit im the fukkin infantry anywayz....killin is my job thats wat they train me to do.....an trust i will do that well without hesistating when my ass gets to the sand box.....i dont give if you are aa woman or a little kid you all enemies an ima kill you bastards if you try to do me first...oh well thats all for me i gota get my clothes an clean my room for inspection than pass the fuck out!!!!!i get to sleep in tomorrow/.....NO PT YAAAAY FUCK YA BITCHEZZZ!!!! peace world!!
so waz goin on in the world of detroit???? well i have no idea cuz my ass in hot ass texas bein all i can be in the army...punk asss army....oh well i guess it could be worse...it is kinda wierd here now thou... half the base is leavin to iraq this weekend...i was talkin to sum guys on friday that left saturday....an this is the biggest base in the world wit 50thousand soldiers....ooh well that means there will be a couple thousand horny housewives left here all alone!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D
texas aint so bad i guess.....the other day i finially got to shoot my m16 again at the qualification range...i hit 30 out of 40 targets which fukkin sucks!!!i wont be able to go home for thanksgivin or my bday or even fukkin christams which really sucks!!!! come hell or high water ima go home for techno fest even if i have to go awol damnitt!!!!they aint keepin me from that thats fa sho niggaz.....its so wierd down here....it aint fukkin detroit thats fa sho....i mean i like it here....but when i went bak to detroit it is home to me alwayz an forever.....but man it is so much beter here....i jus miss home an my friends an my momma the most.... if it wasnt for all the shit there that i love in detroit i would prolly never go back....its so lonely bein down here....i mean im away from everyone an everything i kno....i got sum friends down here from basic an we go out an chill an shit.....i mean yea ill do wateva for them niggaz cuz when we go to iraq thats all i got is my niggaz....but they aint like my homeboys bak in tha hood....
yesterday i went to sum fukkin country ass club....i mean it was straight country in there.....cowboys an toby keith an cowboy hats up the ass.....i kno erin woulda loved it but my ass when up there thugged as fuk you kno how i do an i was like woah....they even had some people from the pbr curcuit there tryin to act all cool with their beltbuckles an pbr vests on an shit.....so we left there an went to anther club down the street more befitting of a person of my appearance....an of courz i got into sum shit crackin my hat to the wrong side but you kno me i dont give a fuck an cracked a bottle over a guys head.....i guess you can take the boy out tha hood but neva the hood out tha boy rite. but thats me......went to go see my grandparents too i was happy to see sum family....also my homeboy that pretty much watched my grow up that lives down there now....we was chillin partyin drinkin went to mexico an was drinkin an party hardy..... that was pretty cool.....i think in january or feb we begin deployment training....january we go to louisiana to train there.then come home an work in the field all day an night for weeks... from wat i kno we will be deploying around this time next year.....prolly earlier unless we get tracked off our cycle which always happen we wont go til 2008....which i pray dont happen....wat sucks the most is that everyone in all the military only goes between 6-8months....we are there for a full year....cuz we are infantry the baddest mothfukkas in tha world we are expendable and they really dont care if we die or not.....so they let us stay there longer with shorter cycles home....an thats the truth too even the bitch ass marines stay there for less than me....an my company has seen the most action than anyone else in ft hood.....with more than half of my company gettin purple hearts some got really fucked up....an my batt. lost 8people last time they were there....i aint scared of goun thou....i said it before...i aint scared of goin.....an i dont give a fuck if i gotta kill anyone every man woman an child there could be a soldier and the enemy so i aint gonna be scared to shoot at any kid or female tryin to shoot me cuz trust i aint tryin to get hit.....an put 2in their head an still sleep fine that nite....everyone here talks about they dont kno how there gonna feel if they have to shoot someone or even kill someone.....people have been tryin to kill me since i was 13.....ive carried a fun on me since i was 15......i aint scared of shit ive been shot at stabbed been jumped beat with many different objects....shot at people did drive byes an all kinds of gansta shit......iraq will be jus like detroit except with less mexicans an the same amount of arabs escept it will be hot as fuck wit sand everyone an i can finially kill an arab an not get in trouble for it...i swear nobody better piss me off over there or its over....its funny cuz i found sum pics of me holding no war signs an all that good shit..... i still believe in it.....but i dont care if i go over there it aint to support the war.....i go because i was ordered to go an i am jus lookin out for me an all my niggaz to make sure we all come home....well i dunno wat else to say besides im lonely down here....i need some love an i miss my friends....but i guess ima get my ass off the computer now......its drinkin time!!!!!bye world....love you all!!!
well im home now but this is the last nite and im leaving to texas....ft. hood is where ill be and ill be a mech head..mechinized infantry....thats rite infantry..the best trained soldier in the world and the finest fighting tool in the us army arsenal...well i would be a fool to say that basic training was hard as hell...it was....sometimes i just wanted to stop an go home an fire up a blunt...but i couldnt and i didnt an i stuck thru it no matter how much it sucked an i graduated an earned my was into the elite group of the us army infantry....14weeks of hell in hell better known as ft. benning georgia...the land that god forgot cuz he took a nasty shit there an jus left it in the burning heat of hell....i hope i never have to go there again...i learned so much in basic....i learned that my life is worth living an there is good shit here an i had to leave the fucked up hood to see it...now i come back an i see these same niggaz doin the same shit....dealin bangin an hustlin an i am a better man and tougher man for leaving all that shit i coulda been rite there wit them but i went a different route to make my life better and im glad i did...itz crazy now to see how much i matured...how i got all these goals i want to do an all these things i have done an how much better i feel about myself....and i feel happy....for the first time i actually feel happy about something positive in my life......sad thing is ill prolly be headin off to iraq really soon..im not afraid of goin thou......i kno my training well an i aint afraid to kill any mothafukka ova there...ill shoot any of their dam soldiers.....the civilians....kids women i dont give a fuck if they have a weapon or a bomb an they are by me best believe they are getttin dropped by my m-16... i dont care about that i can handle gettin shot at....bombs goin off...motars an all that good stuff....the only thing im scared about is the heat.....the heat almost took my life in basic training when i passed out on an easy ass ruck march....i didnt tell anyone but i had a near fatal body temp. where i coulda died an i came back from it....so i kno that you cant fuck around wit the heat an sun cuz it can kill you....hell it killed 16 young privates this summer alone cuz they didnt wana drink water an they suffered the consequence by dieing like a bunch of dumb fucks.......but thats all im worried about goin ova there...that an bein away for 6months to a year.....ill be goin off to texas in a ouple of hours.....im knda nervous cuz i really dont kno wat to expect kinda in the real army....but i kno ima have fun..im glad ill be in texas cuz ill be close to my family...an close to my brother....man i miss my bro gabe i havent seen him in almost a year now....i can tell he really misses me alot too man an i miss him too alot....its crazy not seein your bro that youve lived wit an fought wit for 18years an be away from him for almost a year now.....well i guess thats about it..im really tired an i have to wake up in a couple hours to start my new life.....hopefully i can get back on here soon......ima buy me a computer when i get a chance an i will be bak on the interenet for everyone...........but bye for now....see ya soon world!!
went to the hoe down ova the weekend...it was iight..had my cowboy hat on.....that was pretty fun i guess....so im leavin in less than 3weeks now.....i keep thinkin about it alot now.....i jus wonder if im ready...or like i have no idea wat im getting myself into yet..i dont kno an i dont really care neither.....but i kno i want to get the hell away....saturday was a fukkin tripped out nite...i dont even wana talk about it but after that nite i didnt wana do shit no more an i dont really gave a fuck wat happened to me.....im havin a party at my house saturday....so everyone better tell everyone else!!!!!its jus a bbq to chill wit my homies but i still wana see everyone....:D:D:P....so we all gona get drunk at my house!!! ive been like really busy lately too an it kinda sucks... i was chillin wit edgar for a while but ever since this shit happened i havent really been chillin wit him lately.....i still gotta tell him about it too....an i gotta figure out a way to let everyone else kno too!!!!! ooh well ill see how it turns out i guess.......:(:(:( but wateva i dont care my realy friends will come thru i hope....if they dont then fuck them all ill drink my $100bottle of tequila an cristal all to myself you a-holes!!!!!!iight peoplez....bye for now...imfukkin tired so im goin to sleep....
well here i am about to go to yet another young person being killed again were before there time.....an yet another person who deceided theire lives were so bad that the only way of freedrom is to release their souls from their pathetic wretched horrible lives....my tightest nigga in the world....his lady...this bitch we grew up....deceided to take her life 2nights ago when we were next door getting blowed an my boy was getting a tattoo.....when we went back to his house she was hanging from the door....suffocated to death....she was only 19.....an yet she jus deceided to leave this world....she had everythin in front of you...she was about to get married soon....an it always looked like she was happy.....an my nigga....poor alex....the love of his life was taken away so cruel an inhumane....i mean i dont kno wat her message was to him...that she couldnt live wit him....or that she didnt really love him to jus leave my nigga like that....i kno i have tried.....im not afraid of death...but to leave everone like thta would make me feel so guilty...an now on sunday i have to say my final good-byes to my home girl....my soon to be home girl in-law......i cant imagine wat my nigga is goin thru...well yea i guess i can kinda....but have someone taken away from me with that amount of love they had towards each other must be unbearable....he is so sad now...alwayz breakin down an cryin whenever he gets a chance....always havin dark ass glasses on not makin any kind of emmotion...smokin more weed than dam cheech an chong an methon man an redman put togother....i dont kno how to feel towards him neither....sad...pitty...sorrow....guilt...shame....i dont kno....i kno i love my nigga thou an ive been chillin wit him makin sure he dont go thru the same shit....he says he wont....but he is goin thru so much fukkin pain rite now it aint even funny but i dunno ima get off an go to sleep.....byez all
techno fest line-up is here.......man im so disappointed in it....they dont have any good artist.....kevin saunderson...12 tek mob...an the ur are the only cool acts they got...plus half the schedule aint even filled.man it is gona suck major dick this time...i wish i had money otha wise i would go to the techno fest in europe that goes on at the same time....but richie hawtan aka plastikman is gona be there an he is one of the worlds greatest dj's....of courz hes from detroit too...ooh well...ima still support them an go see it an volunteer...
Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well. ~Josh Billings
wuzzup peoplez!! aint shit been happenin wit me...same dum bullshit...tryin to finalize my army bullshit so i can get my broke ass sum money....thats about it... MICHIGAN SUCKS!!! how the hell does it go from being nice as hell...crusing down vernor with the sunroof open...to freezing balls off scrapin snow off your car!!!its spring damnitt snow is over!!!! i really havent been in close contact wit too many people lately.... last week me erin an my bro went to go see the tigers an froze our asses in the wet ass seats....but got warmed up after a shot of tequila at my cuzs bar acave....(cinco de mayo party may7th$7all day) he told us about his cinco de mayo party..last year it was hella fun times!!!!!i got soo drunk it was cool as hell!! the week before that we had a bbq at edgar....that was pretty cool i guess......fun times....i talked to my brother today tryin to be "la migra" a.k.a. the enemy!! LOL:P......he is becommin a marksman on his gun....i told him shit he betta hes from detroit damnitt!!!!! he said that he is gona try an come to detroit memorial day weekend....jus so he can chill wit one last time before i go....he told me that and i started cryin.....i mean thats my nigga rite thurr....i mean me n my otha bro are tight an shit....but me n gabe are like homies por vida....he cried when he read the poem i sent him for his b-day....and it sucks not havin my bro around here no more....in fact...its hurtin me rite now to even try an type this shit(tryin to hold it in)....i would be so happy if i got to see him before i left....thatll make me feel a little better anywayz....anywayz....i dont wana talk about that no more....edgar wants to go to florida before i leave..i dont wana go to florida....ima gona be stationed in north carolina an i can go to florida wheneva the fuck i want next year....why the hell do i wana go there now???me n erin was talkin bout takin a weekend at cedar point....an campin out at the camp grounds....i think that would be cool as hell!!!! jus chillin all nite...drinkin....laughin all nite...kickin wit the homies that i love the most....(doin sum X-Rated things....HeeHeeHe)doin sumthin stupid an gettin nekkid an runnin around like a retard again.....lolz....yup my friends kno All sides....good sides...bad sides...front side...back side...lolz....i got pix to prove it too...well i dont but erin does!!!i was thinkin we should do that instead....i alwayz have hella fun when we go up to cedar point...last time was unforgetable.....an hopefully we can get alot of people an go to cedar point an camp out there on the beach. drink an party all nite....an go rides....jus not the wooden ones...xpecially when you hung over...they dont go good together trust me i found out the hard way!!:( im tryin to go out this weekend an get blowed....yea ive been gettin high alot now lately too....alotta stress wit even more shit on my mind.....i jus dunno no more ya kno...i wana chill alot wit my friends now...shit one month from now an i will being all i can be.... lolz...i saw this shit on tv about the training on the army rangers special forces....man i cant wait to go do that shit!!!i wana do it sooo bad....get the black beret...an ill be a bad mothafukka....doin top secret missions an kickin ass....killin niggaz an shit....thatll be fun....they are the equilivant to the navy SEALS.....so they sum hardcore ass niggaz....lol my doggy is sleepin next to me an he is snorin soo loud....my fat doggy keeps gettin bigger an bigger....poor fat little dog....but hes soooo cute.....im hungry now....i think ima get me sum of them tamales my mommy made.....lol dam my mind jus keeps jumpin around and around tonite huh.....well thats jus goes to show how much shit on my mind....so im out for now...i promise i will write again soon....peace out...an ooh yea....WRITE ME FUCKERS!!!!CALL ME TOO!!!!LETS HANG OUT WIT MY WANG OUT!!!AN ROCK OUT WIT MY COCK OUT!!!! forrealz thou hit me up so i can give you my celly an we can chill an get drunk all of us togetha like how it used to be pinche ways!!!!!!~alrato~
"there is no greater honor than diein in war"~the old lie.....
So its official.....ima soldier.....my ass is ghost may31......so to all my niggaz.....we are gonna fukkin party our fukkin asses off for the techno fest best believe fucker!!!!!!!! feel kinda lonely thou.....dont no one eva fukkin call me no more......if you dont wana be my friends no more itz coo no hard feelings.....jus let a nigga kno.....if you really wana get ahold me you kno how to.....shit yall can come ova....if i aint home...im on the block...so get at me you assholes i need to chill wit my friends cuz you aint gona have a chance to no more so quit fukkin up!!!!!dont be slippin niggaz.....i cant wait to go to tha army....im goin to iraq first chance i can get.....you dunno how happy ima be once i kill sum dam arabs finially!!!!!i will finially be able to do it an not get thrown in jail...i will be in the airborne infantry in the 82nd airborne....one of the most respected divisions in the army....they were the first us soldiers dropped into ww2 the night before d-day.....an the first soldiers in iraq...so i have alot to live up too......imsooo exicited thou.....i cant wait to go.....there is a part of me that is like woah ya kno.....but i will be able to handle it....ima big boy!!!! shit i kno all these peoplez was like they gona chill wit me an shit i aint heard one phone call from anyone to see wat the deal was lately......it sucks....but i aint lettin it break me.....but im out..i jus wanted to let the world kno wat was up wit me lately cuz i aint been on here ina minute.....so bye
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